June 18, 2009
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The Irony of Being Asian American
(I’m sure there are other ironies, and I’d love you to share them with me… I’m just pondering this one for today.)
One of the great ironies of being Asian American has been, for me, the notion that other Americans don’t consider me American.
Despite that fact that I speak English better than what I underestimate to be 90% of the country’s inhabitants, despite the fact that I feel no national pride greater than American, despite the fact that I have never even been to the country of my parents (nor even, really, Asia), despite all these things, I am frequently asked where I’m from or spoken to as though I don’t speak/understand English, or things are said to me that imply I’m not from the US.
Born and raised, sweetness. Born and raised.
Most of the people who imply this to me are white – though there have been a fair number of black people to do the same, they are usually men trying (and failing) to hit on me, because I don’t know what crazytown you come from, but where I live, anyone coming up to me and speaking gibberish to me in what you think is Chinese… that’s grounds for a slap in the face, not a “oh, hehe, here’s my number, call me you big stud” – and I have to wonder where THEY are from that a person with Asian features is automatically considered not American.
Of course, even those of us from big cities, where we’ve been exposed to Asian people en masse, are not immune to being this ignorant. I was reminded recently of an incident during high school; a coworker who also attended my predominantly Asian high school was lamenting her score on the writing SAT II, which I’d also taken.
I mentioned that I’d gotten a discouraging score as well; she responded, “Well, that’s alright, considering you weren’t born here.”
My head snapped up. If you know me at all, you know of my great love affair with the English language. I adore the English language with a passion; it indulges me insomuch as it allows me to use and overuse it. My English is impeccable, flawless, and what did you just say about me?
“I was born here.” I looked at her.
She stumbled, stammered, and finally went oh um I should check on the kids (we were camp counselors). Yeah… okay there buddy. I only got 30 points lower than you.
Sometimes people will take it upon themselves to ask me where I’m from and when I respond New York, they tell me “Oh, you have an accent.” Really? What accent is that?
I’ve discovered that when I get really excited, I’m all Valley Girl. When I’m really upset, I stutter. When I’m among friends, speaking casually, I speak with a Queens (New York) accent, which is most evident when I’m surrounded by non-New Yorkers.
Nowhere do any of these accents say “Hi I’m not from America.”
I find it a bit sad when, for whatever reason (sometimes none), other minorities will choose to scream racial slurs and epithets at me. It would almost be amusing to recount the innumerable times that Latino immigrants, possibly illegals (!!!) have screamed at me to “Go back to your country!!!”
Go back to my country? I’m already here.
(In more heated moments, I’m tempted, so tempted, to scream back “You go back to YOURS!!!” and other assorted wonderful sentiments, but I have made sure that unless it’s relevant to the conversation, I do not bring another person’s race [or religion or sexual creed] into the insults. For example, when I’m feeling a lot of road rage, there’s no reason to yell at people and use their race/nationality/gender/(assumed) sexual orientation/religion. I can easily just scream “ASSHOLE!” which transcends all of that – and let’s face it, no matter what you believe, every group in the world has at least one asshole in it – and keep above resorting to racial slurs. It isn’t because of your race or gender that you’re in my way on the road [all jokes aside], you just suck!)
So, living in my own country and being constantly placed in this slot that says “Not American” – are my eyes not big enough for you? Is my hair too dark? Are my eyes too black? My skin not pale enough? Am I too short?*** – is fucked up enough.
But the ironic part comes when I travel abroad.
I’ve been to a couple of countries: Spain, Greece, Turkey, and Argentina. Not a lot by anyone’s count, but in each of my trips, I have been pegged right away as an American. Maybe for a small, initial moment, a brief glance, someone might assume I’m an Asian tourist. But as soon as they take a minute to see how I’m dressed, how I look, or I open my mouth, it’s a given that I am American. My behavior marks me as an American (yes, sometimes I AM the asshole-American-tourist, but I try to notice that and fix it ASAP). I am treated like an American.
Which, as some of you well know, is not always with respect or open arms.
While in my own country, I am occasionally treated like an outsider, assumed to be not American.
While outside my own country, they KNOW I’m American. And they treat me like one.
Oh, the irony of being Asian American. It almost makes one want to not be American… except for me, that’s part of the pleasure of being American. I embrace the realization that most Americans are assholes – hell, I’m one of them, whether they realize it or not.
I wonder if I’ll ever live to see the day where I am so much part of the scenery, or people are less willing to jump to the assumption that I’m not American based on the slant of my eye or the color of my skin. I wonder.
***Note (for those who have never met me): that is total sarcasm; I have larger eyes than most Asians, lighter hair than most Asians, lighter eyes than most Asians, and I am pretty pale as well. I also exceed the national average for the height of adult women.
Comments (8)
i, too, was born here and have endured comments like the ones you mentioned. i haven’t had quite as many lately. these kinds of things were mostly in the 80′s. the stupid pick up lines in the 90′s. recently, some latino guy in my neighborhood leered at me and actually spoke in Korean, anyong ha sae yo. i was a little surprised.
i’m just surprised that you’re still hearing this kind of stuff on any regular basis. do you get it in your neighborhood or where you work? it’s in in new york or out of new york?
I never fit in my high school or middle school cuz i “looked strange” or I looked like this other asian kid who sleeps on the bus to school. Growing up long island isn’t fun since i never really grew up with asian friends till college, and even so friends were hard to comeby at school. Everyone when they were younger were like eww cooties eww asian people do you eat chinese food everyday or some sterotype or discrimination against me or some others. Eventually most people matured but it took almost till end of high school for some people to cut the crap out.
well…whatever it is you are Asian
there is racism everywhere…one time someone asked me if i had soysauce (for her lunch) LOL
I was like are you f’ing kidding me? why would i have soy sauce at my desk!
people will be ignorant…
good read — thanks for sharing your experience.
i was born in california…i still get pple asking me if i’m north corean…oh jeezus.
@SarahakaHungry - It’s everywhere… but I think there was a misunderstanding about how often it is. I was just thinking about overall.
@kboy25 - Actually, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not Asian. I’m Asian American. Anal retentive? Nitpicky? Sure, but that’s the truth. While I acknowledge I was brought up within the Asian culture, respect that culture and appreciate all that it is, I feel equal pride being an American. It’s a small linguistic difference – adding the word “American” after the word “Asian” – but one that I feel makes all the difference in the world.
Funny enough (sarcasm)… yesterday, I was coughing so a well-meaning coworker asked if I wanted a ginger candy. I responded politely no thank you, then added I don’t like ginger much. She responded “I thought all Chinese people like ginger” - it wasn’t malicious, just plain ignorant. I was pretty flabbergasted however.
@korean_biyatch - heh, that reminds me of a few years back, an Asian coworker I didn’t know – everyone kept telling me and her, separately, that we’d be really good friends and would like each other (based on what? Cuz she’s Korean and I’m Chinese? Err?), and we finally met each other and were talking. She mentioned that she was going to Korea for a visit in a few years, and someone else there said “Oh, north or south?” and didn’t flinch when first blank stares then laughter. Thought she was kidding. Nope. Just that ignorant. But that’s ignorant of world events, not just Asia. Sigh.
Actually this happens in the all western countries. My best friend is half English and half Chinese. Her father is a white british man. But when she was little, people at school used to label her as that ‘Chinese girl’ and told her to “go back to your country’. She often asks ‘go where? I was born here! My father is an Englishman!”
oh I forgot to mention that it actually happened in Britain. So really America is not the only country where there are ignorant /racist like those you mentioned.