April 7, 2009

• A bunch of random

  I wrote a few interesting things that I don’t feel like developing right now into something more than what they are, so I’m just going to put them here for the record:

  As further proof of my humility, it still surprises me when someone confesses to having those sorts of feelings for me.

  True story. 

  The other blurb amuses me to no end, but it’s not a true story… (or is it?):

  “Where is your boyfriend?” she demanded.  I stared at her, wondering what on earth would possess a girl I’d just met to ask me such a question, her voice filled with venom.  Why did she even care?

  “I don’t know,” I said slowly.  “I guess he’s around somewhere.  I don’t keep tabs on him.”

  “Why not?!” she demanded again, looking at me like I was the crazy one.  “Aren’t you afraid he’ll cheat on you?”

  I laughed.  She didn’t.  I laughed again, heartily, and then finally, I said, “Honey, have you looked at me?  What idiot would cheat on me?” 

  When she didn’t say anything, I sighed, rubbed my eyes a little, and added, “Fine.  You really want to know why I’m not afraid he’ll cheat on me?”

  She nodded.  I guess she felt insecure about her own relationship, a new one.

  “I guess your boyfriend didn’t tell you who I am.”

  She shook her head, looking confused.

  I looked to my left, then to our right.  Leaning in close, I whispered in her ear, “I’m a fucking mafia princess.  No one would cheat on me and expect to live.”

  Her eyes widened and she started to back away from me.  I watched her do this as a smirk spread over my face.  She stammered out some excuse about needing to check on something, then turned and fled.

  GOD I LOVE BEING ME

  • 11:39 am
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