October 31, 2005

• People are always saying that it’s unnatural for a parent to bury their child.  But is it really that much better for a child to bury their parent? 

  
  

  Missing you always, Dad.  You live forever on in our hearts, and I will always remember. 
  

  ---

  *written November 22, 1999- a year before my father died

  
  

  Just a thought
  
  I thought of you today
  Just a gentle breeze
  Flowing across my cheek
  and I remembered your touch
  
  I thought of you today
  Back in your happy time
  Full head of hair
  Full of laughter, joy, and life
  
  I thought of you today
  The moment the doctor called
  You spilled your tea on my favorite sweater
  But I forgave you
  
  I thought of you today
  I spilled tea down the front of your favorite dress
  But you forgave me
  We didn’t even mention the ruined clothing
  
  I thought of you today
  I remembered the doctor’s words
  Like a death sentence
  “You have cancer”
  
  I thought of you today
  Three words that meant so much
  Three words that changed my world
  I couldn’t even tell you I loved you
  
  I thought of you today
  I watched children laughing and playing
  No sense of time nor death
  Oh so innocent and I felt betrayed
  
  I thought of you today
  I watched young couples in love
  Not a care in the world
  So happy and I felt so lost
  
  I thought of you today
  For the first time in Life
  I felt like nothing was fair
  Nothing was right, nothing was as it seemed
  
  I thought of you today
  I lay flowers on your grave
  And tried to say a prayer
  But to whom? Who watches over me now?
  
  I thought of you today
  All the time we fought over God
  Useless arguments wasting my precious time with you
  I never knew how little time we had
  
  I thought of you today
  your last moments, struggling to breathe
  Just to whisper that you forgave me
  All my failures and my sins unto you
  
  I thought of you today
  I tried so hard to be happy for you
  For your sake, I know you want me to be happy
  But I couldn’t smile today
  
  I thought of you today
  I know that I have to feel true pain
  before I can experience true joy
  that before rainbows comes the rain
  
  I thought of you today
  I can’t imagine ever being happy again
  I can’t be happy even though I know
  that at least you’re not suffering anymore
  
  I thought of you today
  I tried to move on and mature
  Of all the things I never felt pain for
  This is all that pain million-fold, infinity
  
  I thought of you today
  If ever I needed you to tell me it would be ok
  this is one of them
  Please say it’s ok
  
  I thought of you today
  I am feeling a little better today
  Maybe it can get better?
  No, it will get better, for your sake and mine
  
  I thought of you today
  But the pain seems to cleanse my soul now
  Instead of crying and being unhappy
  I smile and pray for guidance
  
  I thought of you today
  
  I think of you every day
  

  ---

  
  

  
  In loving memory
  brother, father, husband, friend
  Daddy Sin
  December 1945 – October 31, 2000
  A moment of silence… silence that will last a lifetime.

  • 9:12 am
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